It was just one of those days when all I wanted to do is crawl into bed and unwind and from the day troubles. The girls had already been tucked in for the night and the house was quiet. Instead of reaching for my bible and devotionals, I reached for the IPad to see what the latest report was on facebook. Then was off to surf a few videos on Youtube about past world events and various other things. Next thing I had found myself watching videos of some musicians that I enjoyed before becoming a Christian. It’s funny how music can have a memory attached to it, and my thoughts began wander. The sounds of their voices and the beauty of the instruments seemed so tranquil yet seductive. There was a part of me that felt drawn back to them and couldn’t help but ponder why I quit listening to them in the first place. In the moment of the enjoyment I looked over at the clock then realized that time had really gotten away. I then decided to put the IPad down on the nightstand and say a quick prayer before turning out the lights.
In my sleep, I was awoken suddenly from a terrifying nightmare that seemed so real that it took a moment to gain awareness of my actual surroundings. In the dream, I had found myself in an eerie house that felt spiritually cold. As I walked across the wooden floors in the hall I turned to the left and peered into a room that had an old radio setting on the floor unplugged right next to a door that was broken and propped against the wall. The atmosphere turned from calm to ghostly as I stared intently at the radio. It began to play strange music on its’ own that sounded hypnotic. Panic and fear rushed over me knowing it was impossible. I cried out in a loud voice for my husband and tried to run away but instead a strong force from the room began to yank against my body so hard that it knocked me off from my feet. Once I hit the floor it dragged me down the hall towards the room. In my efforts from being pulled in I dug my fingernails as far as I could into the walls. My nails ripped and screeched down the hallway leaving deep gashes and the sounds became piercing. I continued to scream louder for my husband to come, but it was as if he could not hear me. Then a tall man slim in stature and nicely dressed in an all black suit appeared with such a cunning smile. He held out his hand to pull me into safety of the room where he was standing. I found myself holding tightly to his legs as I caught my breath. I began gasping to tell him what had happened as he wrapped his arms around me to give assurance while he stroked his hands slowly through my long dark hair. Suddenly he began to laugh in such a crafty and deceptive tone. I looked upwards to see what he was laughing at and saw his eyes were fixed upon my husbands. As I watched the tears well up into my husbands’ eyes, I felt an overwhelming sense of shame as if I had been found guilty of adultery. “Oh my! This is not the case at all.” I explained. With burning anger in his heart, he turned away and ran out of the room down through the hall. I pushed away from the man to pursue after my husband but once again the force began to pull against me. Upon my struggle to enter into the living room where my husband sat with his head bowing down and hands over his eyes, I fell to the ground and pleaded with him with everything in me. I tried desperately to explain from the beginning what happened with the radio and how I had called for him to come help me. With great tears streaming down his face he reached for my hands and instead I grabbed his wrist and held on for my life. As he continued to listen intently with a seemingly understanding heart I asked “How could a radio play on it’s own while being unplugged?” Immediately after those words where spoken, I looked and his face and it had turned to terror. The very force that had such a hold on me manifested itself into flesh and stood behind me into a likeness of a fierce beast. The horror became thick as the darkness engulfed the room. All of my human senses became alive and the dream became a reality. I could literally feel that creature run his claws up my spine and grabbed me. With his super strength he tried pulling me from my husband’s hands but since we were clutched to one another so tight it was not able to break us apart. We were both terrified and knew it would be difficult to continue to hold on much longer, so I did the only thing I knew to do, and that was to bow my head and call upon the name of the Lord Jesus. Over and over I cried out in a loud voice “Oh God save me, Lord Jesus help me, Lord Jesus!!!!!” In a flash of a moment I could feel the hand of God come down into the room and rip me from the demons clutches. It was like glass shattering all through the room and with a great flash of lighting I awoke suddenly with fear and trembling and it took a moment to catch my breath as I lay there in euphoria. I was certain that this dream was of the Lord and in the silence a voice came into my heart and spoke “I am jealous for you.” What a moment of reflection it was and thoughts of what this all meant made me search my heart for the cause and deeper spiritual meanings.
I realized that by choosing to be entertained by the vanity and the delusions of the past that the Lord had delivered me from was trying to carry me away. The house represents our minds that we can choose to fill with either good or evil. When the tempter entered in, he began to defile and I found myself being pulled through a door that was broken. The force had such power that it could not be fought against alone. The radio was symbolic to my IPad and the man who seemed so kind was the very accuser who I found myself in the arms of. He would love nothing more than to deceive me into thinking he cares while all the while he is laughing at the pain he brings to those who loved me most.
We must all be careful and on guard of how the enemy will attack us. He will find every way he can through our senses to enter into our minds, even if he has to use something beautiful. There is a deeper meaning beyond the music I listened to that we could all be applied to each of our lives. How many times do we find ourselves watching late night television with subliminal messages or viewing things in secret that no ones knows about? How about sharing personal thoughts with someone other than our spouse? Or perhaps it is the struggle with substance abuse? These are only mild examples. But before long when the enemy has entered into our minds he begins to reap havoc then weakens the soul. He’ll pull us away from the ones who love us the most. His goal is then to begin to destroy our homes, marriages, kids lives, our jobs, and eventually it could lead us to take our own life.
Have you ever had a spouse or love one hold to you with all of their might when the chains of darkness had taken a hold of you? Whether you or I even realize it or not, we are all spiritual beings and what we feed our souls on will only make what is on the inside of us stronger, whether that be good or evil. In the instance of my dream, I found myself feeding a seemingly innocent creature that later turned on me and became a beast that was too powerful to be defeated alone. The only thing I knew to do was call upon the name of the Lord Jesus since i knew he hears the cries of his children. With a great flash into that darkest moment of my life he reached with his mighty hand of love and snatched me from the clutches of the enemy. I was pulled out of he horror and into the safe keeping of his arms. He spoke to my heart and told me things hidden within. He wants to be first in my life for my own protection and guards me against the evil tactics the enemy uses to destroy what belongs to him.
Maybe you have fed a beast in your own life that has now turned against you. If it has become too much to control on your own then just remember this, you can call upon the name of the Lord and he will bring deliverance to you from your nightmare.
You all have heard the saying “Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back.” I’m certain that we were all born explorers and many of us decide to make that a life long career out of it. Sometimes our exploration can cause major pitfalls too which can then spiral downhill and bring greater grief to our lives.
While teaching my daughter Allison in home school yesterday she seemed to be very “weepy.” Since she is a diabetic I decided first to stop and check her blood sugar. It came back perfect, so I decided to continue on with the lesson. She begins to get squeamish and more tears are welling up and tells me she has a headache. So we stopped again to deal with this issue. As I sat down to give her some medicine, she cries out in a loud voice “I didn’t mean to do it!!!” Oh my…. I sat there and asked her calmly “what did you not mean to do honey?” Then the tears began to roll down her face and she cried out explaining that while she was outside playing with the ducks she accidentally hurt one their feet and got scared and hid him in the doghouse. In a loud broken voice she says “Momma, please don’t be upset with me. I didn’t mean to do it!”
In my mind a horror story is unfolding and am terrified to go check out the scene. But after calming her down we began the journey to see how much damage was done. Once outside, I found the little fellow and took him back to the barn. Allison followed me inside while still crying about what taken place. I then turned to her and kneeled down on the floor with the little duck in my hands. “Honey, mom is not mad. I’m very thankful that you were brave enough to tell me the truth. Now that you told me what happened we can take care of the problem and it is all going to be o.k.” I explained sweetly. Then we began to talk further about how we are to be careful when exploring and how easy it is to hurt God’s little creatures even if we were not meaning to do so. Of course I also gave her reassurance about the importance of always coming to me and telling me things that scare her or what she may have done wrong. As for the little duck, after a sweet prayer of healing he went back to the warmer with food and water and this morning he was found completely recovered after being traumatized.
A little while longer Allison comes back to me crying and said “Momma, please don’t be upset… I didn’t mean to do it!” Hummmm…. another duck incident perhaps? Questions begin to start in my mind. But to my very surprise after she starts talking I realize she is re-asking me for forgiveness about the little duck. Honestly I had already forgot about it (so to speak) and moved on to bigger issues with my other daughter. I believe the Lord allowed this to happen to teach me a little life lesson about forgiveness from above.
Isn’t it true when we commit a sin that often times rather than to go to God and talk it over we will try to hide what we did from the Lord? It reminds me of the story of Adam and Eve. But later whenever our conscience will no longer let us live with ourselves, and the burden gets too hard for us to carry on our own, it is at that time we decide to cry out to the Lord. We only hurt ourselves when we wait and spend time with the misery of trying to hide anything from him. Since he is omnipotent it is pretty much a given that he already knows what you did anyway. My mother always told us as kids that she had eyes in the back of her head and figured that if she gave us long enough we would tell on ourselves anyway. Even after going to the Lord often times I find myself going back to him re-living the sin over again and re-confession what he had already cast out in the sea of forgetfulness and in his word we should be reassured that he remembers it no more. But the enemy will not forget and he would love nothing more than to destroy someone by their thoughts and make them feel like they are unworthy or their sin was too great to forgive so easily. We battle the enemy in our minds.
Take good heart that “God is Love.” He is a forgiver wants us to run to him with everything while he stands with open arms.
God Bless You!
Motives… What are our motives? This last past Sunday the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart about my own motives for sharing Christ with others. We can all examine our motives towards others in our lives whether we are Christian or not.
By now, those of you that know me can see that I have a passion for writing. Often times the one that I’m writing to is myself and it is an expression of my inner thoughts that is projected to others that enables me to work through my own issues. But it is also a gift the Lord has given me that he chooses to be used for his purposes and he can take it away as he pleases.
I can’t help but talk about him. About two years ago he began a work in my life but before surrendering to him I already appeared to be Christian to others but my heart was very far from him. I loved the things of the world and wanted more of it than him. Then one day a great preacher told me “Sister you can fool the world but you can’t fool God.” It was like the Lord looked at my heart and tore it apart in pieces to reveal foolishness. For 12 days I wrestled with him and could just barely eat. I honestly never thought that I would ever truly serve the Lord and could not understand why he would want to call someone like myself in the first place.
What are my motives toward writing often to you about the Lord? God help me that it has nothing to do with myself. If he uses my words to encourage you …give Him Praise. If he uses something I write that may answer a question or help you grow in your daily walk…give him Praise. Don’t think that of my life as being something more spectacular than what it is or think that I have all the right words to lift everyone up. It’s not me…it’s all him. I don’t possess some kind of super faith. The only thing that is super in my life is the “Grace of God.” Trust me when I tell you that my life is a daily struggle of having to die to SELF. When we can get our “Self” out of the way then “He” is able to move in.
Sure, I appreciate the many sweet comments that people will write. Being accepted, loved and adored is what we all seek. We’re human and it is not about you or me for that matter. I would rather see someone giving all the glory to the Lord than to say anything nice back to me.
We need be thankful for the pastors in this day that are not afraid to preach the true gospel. Would you much rather find yourself sitting in a church service getting a little uncomfortable with how your life was being examined and being under conviction rather than to leave feeling good about yourself and knowing deep down your life was not on really on the right path? I would hope so for myself.
What are my motives? I want to live a life that glorifies God and let this life tell others of his wonderful love. What are yours?
“Whether therefore you eat, or drink, or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31